Monday, December 11, 2006

my christmas sentiments

I don’t know if it’s just the rainy weather that brought the cold breeze or the Holiday Season is truly just around the corner. I still can’t believe how 2006 swiftly passed by. I can’t help but think about the memories of late 2005 and how I longed for the New Year, the 10th of January 2006 to make it more specific.

My Father was based in Cebu and was booked to fly here in Angeles that day for a court hearing and to spend a few days with my mum and I. Unfortunately, he did not make it. He had a heart attack and passed away on the 24th of December 2005. What a shocking way to celebrate Christmas Eve. And I can’t believe that it’s almost a year now.

My parents separated when I was in third year high school. I was a daddy’s girl. It was hard. My father settled down in Cebu with a new partner and a kid of their own who is now four years old. I seldom get the chance to visit him but when I do, we make sure that we make the most out of it.

My Father wasn’t into celebrating Christmas, but we still did for my sake. Few years before he passed away, it might have been the time of the year he hate the most. He has gone through financial difficulties and I think it’s during this time that he felt he has nothing to give. Which makes me think, depression might have been the cause of his death.

I’ve been very busy last December - school works, hanging out with friends and running errands all at the same time. But I never failed to communicate with my father. I always wanted him to know how much I loved him and how I was looking forward to seeing him soon. He did the same, but with depressing stories to share which I hated to hear.

As much as I wanted to enjoy the spirit of Christmas, I knew that my father somewhere on the other end of this country couldn’t and wouldn’t do so. And as much as I hate to share the same sentiments, I couldn’t help it because we are connected.

And so it is quite a relief this year. He is now resting. He would not experience the sorrows of this season. I just hope and pray that he is peaceful and happy wherever he is right now.

MR. and MS. Angeles University




I can’t really think of a topic that would be interesting for you people to read. But since you’re already on the second sentence, you might as well continue. I promise to keep it short.

I’d like to share my experiences from the Mr. And Ms. University Pageant. Don’t deny it! I know how much you enjoy watching beauty pageants, how you stay up late just to know who made it to the final five, how you comment on every little detail that is barely visible, how you cheer for your kababayan, kapatid, kaklase, kakulto, kaibigan or ka-ibigan and how bias we can be. It’s in your culture. You are 100% Pinoy!

You may think it’s strange but if you were to ask me how I got myself into this pageant, I honestly can’t remember. All I know was that I was a part of it and I wanted to bring home the crown and share the victory with the people who strongly believed in me regardless of my flaws.

The show went on fast without me knowing how my performance was on stage, how I looked, walked, projected. I had no clue if I’d make it to the final five. All I knew was it was a tough competition. One wrong move and you’re good as out. How I wanted to be a candidate and a part of the audience at the same time so I would know which aspects would I improve on. I didn’t receive any of the six minor awards. I almost lost hope. And then my name was called. I was one of the top five candidates. I revived.

It felt like a second chance, a chance to prove that I was worthy of the title. But I failed. I was disappointed. I wanted to ask why, I know it would help me improve myself but until this day, I’m not yet ready to hear the answer.

It was that night and the following day, a rainy Sunday that I felt so bad, really bad without knowing why. I never knew why I wanted it. I never even knew that I wanted it that bad.

Despite my sentiments, I never questioned God why He didn’t allow me to bring out the best in myself because I already know the answer – It is not for me. Somebody else deserves, needs and would make more use of it than I will.

I am already a winner, and I will always be a winner.

I’ve gained new experiences, learning, opportunities, friends, skills and a lot more from this pageant. But my favorite would have to be this:






I don’t know what I have done to deserve all these. I love you!

To My Mum, My AUF and LMSI Friends, Harry, Ma’am Virgie, K8, Kuya Jhim, Jerome, Mike, Sinukwan…Thank You!





There is ALWAYS something to be grateful about. Always count and share your blessings. We are all winners. Cheers!